meeting THE Ina Mae Gaskin

back in November of 2011 i was privileged to go with a group of amazing women to the Birth Matters of Virginia banquet.  our local chapter of Birth Matters got enough people rounded up to reserve 2 tables.  Sounds fun right?  well, to make it even more enticing THE Ina Mae Gaskin was the guest speaker.  i mean come ON!  i could not pass up a chance to see her in person, and maybe even, gasp, talk to her.  this one woman's philosophy of how normal birth can be influenced the women who i met at Birth Circle when i first moved back home 6 months pregnant with Ivy.  these women knew how much power there is in birth and how the right partnership of care-provider, birth partner and mother can make or break an emotional and psychological connection between mother and baby, (and really all involved).  i truly believe the positive sense of self-efficacy i experienced in the births of Ivy and Jet have helped me be able to conquer other seemingly insurmountable tasks, such as raising 3 small children.  and i believe a poor sense of self-efficacy during birth, (ie. someone telling you your body can't do what God intended it to do) can affect the self-efficacy in other aspects of life. (if you can't even birth the child how can you raise the child? sort of thoughts arise, can we say ppd?)

this is a really horrid picture of Ina Mae, i didn't have a nice camera and my phone was on it's last legs.

anyways, back to this woman who changed my life.  she has spent the last 40 years of her life midwifing and teaching women that we too are mammals; able to birth easily if allowed the privacy and decency we allow even our house cats.  She has a number of books and at the conference was talking mostly about her newest book entitled "Birth Matters: a Midwife's Manifesta."  She told stories that she had written about.  i won't tell them here, but they're super good.

i had waited until the very end of the conference to go get my book and have it signed by THE Ina Mae Gaskin.  i waited patiently until everyone else had gone and there were only a few people left in the building.  i wanted to tell her how much her influence had changed my life and how much i respected her work with the women of the world.  i wanted to thank her for the positive impact natural childbirth had on my relationships with my children and my husband.  i wanted to shake her hand and look her in the eye and tell her these things.

as i approached the table i was nervous but made a joke about how i had waited all day just to get the book.  Ms. Gaskin took the book and signed it and i was just about to open my mouth to tell her all the aforementioned things when a loud, wide, and older woman butted in right in front of me and started chatting it up with Ina Mae.  then she, ever so rudely, turns to me and says (something along the lines of) "oh you were getting a book signed. here." and takes the book from Ina Mae and hands it to me.  then turns briskly back to Ina Mae and resumes her conversation.

if i hadn't been so soul shattered at that very moment i would have inturrupted her conversation and told Ina Mae what i wanted to say.  but it was like the wind was blown out of me.

now i'm not one to be star struck lightly. i mean i once saw Eliza Dushku in an Indian restaurant in Provo, UT and that was nothing to me.  other than a faint: hmm, she was in that cheerleading movie that all the girls on the cheer squad were obsessed with in high school. and then when Christian and i were in NYC this past fall we saw Mark Wahlberg filming a scene, but i was more interested in getting a piece of birthday cake than oogling with all the locals on the street. 

but Ina Mae was different.  she actually had an impact on my life.  her work changed the way i see the world and quite possibly has changed my life goals, 

(i mean who after having a positive, empowering birth doesn't want to share with others?)

i was so extremely upset that i immediately told my husband when i got home.

so to Ina Mae Gaskin, if you're ever reading this humble blog post about my trip to see you, know this: you have changed my life for the better. and although you probably hear it a lot; thank you, keep up the good work.  there's a myriad of mothers standing behind you as you blaze your trail normalizing birth in America.

granola, crunchy, earth mama

yes, i'm granola.

i enjoy the more natural things on and in my body.

i'm not totally crunchy, just a little bit

i don't have all organic foods, nor do i have all organic body products.

heck i slather Ivy in highly processed petrolum products every day.

but i use cloth diapers and mama cloth

i have home births without medication

i think nature has provided us with some great herbs for medicines and i love a wholistic approach to wellness.

so home-made deoderant wasn't a huge leap for me.

(although i didn't tell Christian about it until after about a month of use, just so i could make sure it worked before letting him in on my super-crunchy side)

after Jet was born my whole body chemistry changed and no longer did my antipersperant/deoderant keep the underarm area fresh and odor free.  in fact it made everything worse.

now admittedly i am a fairly smelly person, (i blame my dad and his smelly feet), but the new body odor was getting to me.

so i did what any 21st century girl would do: i sought out google.

and i found some great recipes for deoderant. 

i thought i would share what works for me in the way of homemade deoderant.

here's what you need and how to do it:

baking soda

corn starch

coconut oil  (or arrowroot powder, but i have yet to find it)

a mixing bowl

1/4 cup measuring cup

1 tbs measuring spoon

essential oils--not pictured

measure out 1/4 cup soda and 1/4 cup corn starch

 cut in 1 to 2 tablespoons of coconut oil.  i

 always use somewhere between 1 and 2, but i'm not sure on the exact measurement. 

cut it in like you would if you were making pie dough. 

(i usually use a fork, but all mine were dirty or in the dishwasher, so i had to use a whisk.)

I usually end up using my fingers to make it into a doughy like substance.

 you'll end up with a fairly small deoderant ball

choose your essential oils

for me it's usually tea tree oil and lavender,

but i have no idea what happened to my lavender so i thought i would go all crunchy out and use sandalwood (it's supposed to help with anxiety and stress so...)

mix in about 5 drops of each to your dough ball

find an old deoderant stick and empty it out. be sure to dial the knob all the way to the bottom so you'll have somewhere to put your new deoderant.

 slowly shove your deo-ball into the container.  i suggest a little at a time so the air can escape and you don't end up with a blob on the end of your deoderant stick like i have here.



and viola, you have deoderant.
i always have a little left over that won't fit into the stick so i put it in a glass bowl and use it for a few days before i break out the stick.

i haven't figured out how long it takes me to use it all, but i use about the same amount as i did with the regular, store-bought deoderant, and it works twice as well!

notes:

*don't leave your new deoderant someplace warm, as cocnut oil has a low melting point. 

your new deoderant will turn to liquid if left in a hot bathroom.

i haven't had any problems in our bathroom, but there's no heat in that room so it hasn't been a problem (and it wasn't a problem this summer either).

the only time i've had my deoderant melt was when visiting friends in NY and their thermostat was on the fritz. 

i just stuck my melted deoderant in the freezer for a few hours before we packed up to leave and it was as good as new. (although they probably wondered why i was storing my deoderant in the freezer)

*one friend of mine who tried it didn't like how crumbly it was.  i think if you add enough coconut oil and apply slowly it should melt on your skin.  sometimes i melt it in my hands before applying, especially if it's a cold day. (again, no heat in the bathroom)

* i haven't had any skin irritation from the products in the deoderant, but if i use it right after i shave my underarms i do get some irritation from the gritty-ness of the baking soda.

no one told me about the touching

when you have a baby people tell you all about

the joys of motherhood: the coos, the cuddles, etc. 

the trials: the poo blow-outs, the late nights, etc.

what no one tells you about is the TOUCHING

i swear i am touched by 3 sets of hands, mouths and feet more times each day than i ever thought was humanly possible.

they sit on me, they poke me, they grab at me, they put their mouths on me (especially the littlest one)

it's like some strange form of torture.

by the end of the day i'm full to the brim with the touching.

i know touching is really good for children's development but MAN! by the end of the day i just want to wrap myself in bubble wrap and curl up in a corner with a coke.

my little love affair

i'm having a love affair.

he's about 2 feet tall,

he's pretty chunky,

and he only has 6 teeth.

and i love the heck out of him.

it's different this time than it was with Archer and Ivy.

i'm not the anxiety ridden mother i was with them.

he's not the first

he's not losing his skin.

i don't have depression this go round either.

he doesn't talk back, heck, he doesn't even talk.

he doesn't whine.

he doesn't cry often.

 and when he does, i usually know what to do to make it all better.

i love how he smiles everytime i look at him.

i love how inquisitive he is.

he reminds me of the babies that Archer and Ivy used to be.

 

and they remind me that Jet's going to be as big as them in no time.

probably bigger, 'cause at 9 months he's bigger than Archer and Ivy were at 12 months.

but i'm trying to cherish these moments.

soon enough he'll learn to roll his eyes and whine all his requests instead of asking.

for now i'll cherish when he spits his peas out

when he eats another ladybug

when he poos every morning right after i change his diaper

when he wakes up in the middle of the night just to nurse

i hope i can remember these moments when he's big and tearing his way through the house.

home again, home again, jiggity-jig

i decided to withdraw from school this semester.
i'm not sure when i will be going back.  i know i will be though.
i wanted to spend more time with my kids, and less time with books that stress me out.

that being said, i hope i can spend my now reading-free nights updating this neglected area once in a while.

the time that has passed between the last time i posted and now was a whirlwind.
one particularly interesting occasion was the marriage of Christian's brother Skye.

his wedding was in Oakland, CA.
(which was a place that i previously had thought was full of thugs and drug dealers, i'm not quite sure where that impression came from)

the wedding was uneventful, which is great, as far as weddings should go.

the "events" surrounding the wedding went something like this:
(in bullet point format)

Dec. 19, 2011
-Christian has a MAJOR back spasm and barely makes it on the plane in one piece.
-Moomie and Boopie get caught in traffic trying to arrange all our vehicles for the return flights and barely make it onto the plane at all.
-we make it to CA but Christian's back is still spasming, so i volunteer to do all the heavy lifting and install of car seats.
-Ivy decides its potty time while i'm installing the car seats in the rental car pickup.  we run back to the rental car building (like FOREVER away) and then continue with our quest to get to bed.
-Uncle Mikey-san brings us Japanese take-out...bless his Gyoza bearing soul.

Dec. 20, 2011
-Christian is still having major back pain
-we eat breakfast with Uncle Mikey-san in the hotel lobby, but it was crummy so we decide to go to the house where the rest of the family is staying.
-the kids go crazy
-Christian gets an appointment with a traditional Chinese healer/accupuncturist
-i wait with the kids and Linden while everyone runs around all morning, we had fun, except that my nephew was sick with a stomach bug, and Archer and Ivy were all sorts of mucus-y, with green stuff coming out of their eyes (we were told later that it was back up from the mucus in their noses...fun eh?)
-after lunch we head to Muir Woods and have a lovely walk through the ancient trees.
-while carrying Jet around in the ringsling my shoulder started aching and while nursing him in the warmth of the car my shoulder started spasming and hurting every time i breathed.
-we stop at a Lego store in a mall on the way home and get the kids legos for Christmas, but our debit card won't work  (not due to insufficient funds, but because we bank locally and traveling to CA doesn't fly well with them.) we find a national bank credit card and get those darn legos, dang it.
-we returned to the hotel and Uncle Mikey-san got us Japanese take-out again!

Dec. 21, 2011
-Wedding Day!
-we drive to Oakland stopping at Men's Wearhouse on the way to the wedding so that Christian could get some pants that fit.
-on the drive we realize that we left Chris' tie and vest as well as his non-fitting pants in the hotel room 45 min south.
-i drive around a parking deck in downtown Oakland so that i can get cell service enough to know when Christian will return with his tux.
-we show up at the temple 10 minutes before the sealing.  we're reprimanded by many sweet old ladies that "everyone is waiting for you guys."
-the sealing was beautiful, as were the participants.
-pictures ensued and the children behaved well enough.
-Christian went back to the Chinese healing lady and was much better.
-later that evening we attend the family dinner at a very cool morrocan restaurant
-Jet won't sleep, even though he's exhausted.  the kids are driving me batty, and my shoulder is killing me.
-Uncle Mike-san Shiatsu'd my back, it helped a little.
-we drive the kids to the bride's parent's house where babysitters were waiting. we promise cake and movies at the "kid's party". Archer falls asleep on the way.
-we party down at the reception, and the cake was wonderful. (made by Christian's sister)
-we go to pick up the kids and the battery to the phone with navigation dies. so we try to get back to the house by memory.  we made it. 
-Archer woke up in the car as we get him ready to leave, wondering if he's at the party yet and what movie he's going to watch.  he breaks down.
-we head back to the hotel and need to stop get gas.  however, our credit cards didn't work. we tried 5 or 6 and finally one worked. (not due to insufficient funds, but because we bank locally and traveling to CA doesn't fly well with them.)
-we make it to the hotel and let Archer eat cake and watch movies on the ipad.
-everyone falls asleep super late

Dec. 22, 2011
-we arrive at the airport at 5am
-we return the rental car and head to the terminal where Moomie, Boopie and Uncle Nicholas and Aunt Jenna were waiting for us.
-while in line for security Ivy throws up on me.
-security doesn't care.
-i get patted down because i am wearing a full length skirt that was "too big" at the bottom (although it was jersey and very drapey, and i still have vomit on me.)
-Nicholas so kindly gives me a shirt (which I think I still may have, sorry)
-we board the plane, Ivy doesn't throw up again
-we make it home FINALLY!

all in all it was a good trip don't you think?

who you callin' brave?

it seems that us home birthers get the reputation of being brave.

HA! i say.

i am here to refute that notion.

i am the least brave person in the world when it comes to birth.

see even Ivy's laughing at that notion.

here's a true story of bravery:

Archer was born in Las Vegas at St. Rose Hospital Siena Campus.

it was a beautiful hospital and a place i would have loved to be treated if there had been something wrong with me. but as a pregnant woman i never felt there was anything wrong with me.  i had no high blood pressure, no sugar issues, no excessive weight gain, no bleeding, no nothing.  i was text-book normal pregnancy.  right on at every prenatal visit.

i didn't know i needed to be brave until i went to the hospital for the tour.

basically i stepped one foot onto the maternity ward and started having an anxiety attack.

the scrubs, the fluorescent lights, the little pings and whirs of all the machines just scared the heck out of me.

even now i'm getting a little anxious thinking about it.

also this hospital was a teaching hospital with residents following the attending doc around for everything.

i did not want every tom, dick and harry to be in the delivery room when my son was born.

because of my anxiety my labor stopped the first 3 times i went to the hospital with regular 4 min apart contractions. we would get there and then BAM! a strange lady sticks her hand in my vagina and feels my cervix and you know what? i wasn't far enough along. DUH. your cervix would probably shrink too if someone you've never seen before tried to touch it. so by visit #4 i was probably comfortable enough with the nurses that my contractions remained regular and i was admitted. i started laboring away. i wanted to go drug free. not to get a shiny medal, or anything like that, but so my baby wouldn't have any sort of drowsiness after birth and would get the best start to breastfeeding he could have. i wanted to not have any IV fluids so i hoped for only a hep lock but "hospital policy states..." blah blah blah, you know the run down.  i had to have the IV. i had to have the fetal monitoring for 20 minutes out of every 60.  i couldn't eat anything other than ice chips (but i snuck starbursts and water, so TAKE THAT!) finally around noon i thought i should ask the nurse for some advice to help me through the labor. the contractions weren't that bad, but she suggested that to speed things up we could break my water. so of course that sounded like a great idea, yeah sure, get this baby outta here! (big mistake #1) so she broke the water and HOLY CRAP all hell broke loose.  the contractions before with the amniotic fluid cushioning Archer's head vs. contractions without that cushion were like night and day.  they hurt like crazy and i wasn't ready for it.  my body hadn't had the gentle work up that it probably needed to have before the waters broke spontaneously. and i had not prepared nearly enough techniques to deal with the pain.  neither was i really free to do the things i wanted to do because i had to be strapped to a pinging, whirring monitor for what felt like an hour every 5 minutes. after about 30 minutes of that craziness i said get the drug guy in here and put in the epidural.  of course, my dear husband didn't want to see me in pain so he was all on board. (big mistake #2) well while Christian was over in the corner halfway fainting from the giant needle being inserted into my spine i was doing my best to hold still through mountains of contractions.  finally the drugs got to work. but you know what? i lost feeling in my arms as well as my legs. but not enough feeling that the contractions didn't hurt.  i swear i thought it wasn't working (i found out through Ivy's birth that the epidural had indeed worked a bit!) now the pinging and the whirring were amping up a bit and the baby was descending farther into the birth canal and eventually the nurses couldn't get the external monitor to pick up the heart beat.  so instead of just grabbing a doppler for some intermittent fetal monitoring they try 3 times to attach an internal monitor to Archer's delicate little hair covered head.  it just wasn't working out.  and someone cried "DECREASE IN HEART BEAT!" (just for the record no where in my birth records is it written or recorded that there was an actual decrease in heart tones, but that was what they told me at the time) so Dr. Oliver was called in. he was on call that day and i had never before seen him in my life. ever. plus he brought his student. a tall guy that didn't look much older than myself, and who didn't know what he really wanted to specialize in, he was "just in rotations right now". so because of the fear of the heart beat, and because it's what they do, Dr. Oliver checks my cervix.  i'm at 8 cm.  then he leaves the room to check on another laboring mother down the hall who is very close to delivery.  and comes back within a half an hour. he checks my cervix again. well miraculously or because of some OB fiddling, i was at a 10. fully dialated.  the heart tones are still down and Dr. Oliver decides the best course of action is to use a vacuum to assist me in delivering the baby.  i sidle up into the stranded beetle position and push with all my might. within 2 pushes Archer is out. because of the vacuum i needed an epsiotomy, because of the fast birth i tore. 4th degree y'all. (that's the worst there is)  Archer was whisked away to the warmer, beaten with what i call a "thwacker" (a rounded piece of hard plastic) to "get the fluid out of his lungs" and weighed and measured then handed bundled back to me about an hour later. meanwhile, i'm still stranded on my back with Dr. Oliver and intern taking turns stitching up the multiple layers of skin that they had cut and allowed to tear. and yes i could FEEL IT ALL, because the epidural was not working there and they gave me no shot ner nothin'. the kicker is that i could see everything he was doing because of the reflection in his glasses. it was a mess. it took about 45 minutes to sew me up, and i'm not sure how many stitches i got, other than the "husband stitch" that my midwife with Ivy had to remedy so that she could come out. (if you don't know, just google it)

so because of this trauma on me and the trauma on Archer, and the trauma on Christian (wow, who knew that getting your wife that epidural would actually cause her more pain?!) we all had a hard time bonding. i didn't like men (baby men included) for a good year after that. it's amazing that we got pregnant with Ivy at all! Archer had a horrible time nursing, and never got a proper latch.  i finally stopped bleeding after 3 months of pain but nursing was never pain free. (stupid me never even thought about a lactation consultant.  do it. they'll help your boobies stay happy.) my bottom took months to heal completely and sneezing and laughing hard caused some major problems.

overall, i was happy the baby was out. but i was oh so unhappy about how it happened.

i was not in control of anything. not even my body. i made some really bad mistakes that may or may not have led to the decrease in heart tones (i have my theories, but i'd love to hear yours).

so yeah, i was brave. i did the brave thing.  i gave birth in a hospital. a setting where, across the nation, vacuum assists, forceps deliveries, non-medically indicated inductions and c-section rates are soaring. i took my "natural birth" plan and gave it away to those that are trained in trauma and abnormalities.

i think i deserve a gold medal for that.

the rest of the story:

with Ivy we had just moved to VA and having known Dr. Aamodt since high school I knew his practice was very "crunch" friendly.  he employs midwives! (the only practice in the valley that does!) and they're good too.  so i was about 7 months pregnant when we moved and i asked if i could get in with his midwives.  he said he could pull some strings and get me in.  but upon further investigation of our health care plan i found it would be around $5000 dollars to have any sort of hospital birth.  (that was yearly deductible at the time).  and so i turned to certified professional midwives or CPMs. (they ranged around $2500 for everything) there were a number in the area, but i clicked with one named Trinlie Wood.  she was fantastic and a great maternal figure. she set my husband's heart at ease with her many births attended and small transfer rate and 0 maternal/infant death rate. she provided excellent prenatal care and it was a beautiful birth. you can read it here. (plus more details of Archer's birth)

with Jet i knew i was going to do a homebirth again but i wanted a spunkier midwife so i chose my friend Misty Ward who just celebrated the 1st year of her birth center being open. again fabulous prenatal care with each "visit" lasting about an hour. and a wonderful intervention free birth. read about it here.

alright let's define brave.

i tell Archer being brave means that even though you're scared you do what's right.

with Archer's birth i did what was considered right by my insurance company, right by my family, and right by society at large, but it ended up being wrong for me.  i was scared but i did it anyways.

with Ivy and Jet, i did what i felt was right and i didn't need nearly as much bravery.

another hardware man

Jet really enjoys hanging out at the new hardware store.